This might be the oddest, dumbest, and most uncanny statement I’ve ever made:

I’ve lived on Maui for more than five years and I’ve never worn a pair of blue jeans!!!

Sew true. Don’t even own a pair?! Sorry Levi’s, Old Navy and Wrangler. Nothing cargo or ripped or skinny in 64 months has touched my bare ankles. Not once.

No human or AI robot can beat that record. Guaranteed. Nothing against denim of any color or cord or style – my island lifestyle dictates that anything below the knee is unnecessary and why buy what I won’t wear?!

But wait. Do I have long pants in my closet? Yes. I still officiate high school basketball and volleyball and when I’m assigned games/matches during the school-ball season officials must wear long pants. Ugh. It can get steamy and sweaty in those non-AC gyms.

I have three pairs of black polyester slacks (they come out of the dryer neat and almost pressed) and all the requisite referee gear. I drive to the games in shorts, change in the locker room, do the games/matches with ankles covered, drive home in shorts.

Anyone who knows me is NOT shocked by this King-of-Shorts revelation. Been living it for decades and the main reason I don’t live in climes like Colorado or Montana. Exposed knees all day and night. “Hairy legs for $500, Ken.”

Heck – on a recent mainland summer vacation I showed up at our family’s church in shorts. Same church where I was once an Altar Boy. Mom would have been aghast?! Times change. Father Dave welcomed me with a gnarly hug.

Love it. Don’t call me fashion unfriendly – shorts make a statement. Above-the-knee only. Loud and proud. My legs are browner than brown sugar and people notice. Add in polo shirts and flip flops and I’m runway ready.

Who needs zippers? My collection of colorful beauties has adjustable draw strings and elastic waistbands that offer relaxing on-the-go comfort. Other trendy benefits are more versatility and less laundry.

Work shifts – shorts. Grocery shopping – shorts. Hiking and exercise – shorts. Social gatherings – shorts. Summer officiating – shorts. Plane rides + vacations – shorts. Beach – shorts. Volunteering – shorts. Blog reviews – shorts.

Consistency is the key to an endless-summer wardrobe.