On the last day of May 2016, I’ll be going under the knife for my first-ever surgical procedure (on a body part below the neck).

In the past, I’ve had oral surgery – wisdom teeth removed and root canal drilling – but never any scalpel incisions on my torso or extremities. I credit darn good genes and God-given guidance based on all the sports and activities I’ve participated in as a youth through AARP adulthood.

Now comes reality. Over the past few years, I’ve become the poster boy for Dupuytren’s Contracture and have the bumpy cords to prove it. In my right hand I’ve developed a localized formation of scar tissue around the tendons that flex the fingers beneath the skin of the palm of the hand. The scarring accumulates in a tissue (palmar fascia) that normally covers the tendons that pull the fingers to grip. This fascia has become thickened and shortened – making it impossible to fully extended my fingers on any flat surface.

 

If I hold my right hand out, palm facing the sky, my pinkie finger is so bent that you could play horseshoes on it! Is that a ringer? My pinkie finger is so bent I’ve become my own BFF (Bent-Finger Finn)! My pinkie finger is so bent………you get the picture!

 

 

 

 

Not many family members or friends were aware of my crookedness. It wasn’t something to advertise or get bent-out-of-shape about. As a ref, you need to have thick skin. But not this way.

I haven’t been able to do a regular push-up since a Republican was in the White House. I have to cheat when typing certain keys on a keyboard. Putting on a five-finger glove is harder than algebra. Like anything else in life – you adjust and move on.

 

 

 

 

OK, doc – straighten me out, please.

At 2:45 PM I’m scheduled to hand my right hand over to the capable hands of plastic and reconstructive surgeon Dr. David G. Williamson. This ain’t no boob job. The procedure is scheduled for 40 minutes. Bad fascia out – tendon relief in. Hope springs eternal. Elaine will be with me from start to finish. Updates to follow.

In case you were wondering about my left hand – it’s a Dupuytren’s redux! Dang it. My left pinkie has two cord-like nodules on it and cannot be fully extended. That means it will slowly start being pulled in the wrong direction. Lesson learned. This southpaw will definitely need to get handsy again with the good doctor before horseshoes season begins.